S.T.O.P. it with these Legos!

The STOP Skill: Your New Favorite Pause Button

We’ve all been there: You find yourself facing stress head-on, and it feels like your brain has just turned into a pressure cooker. Maybe you stepped on another Lego piece on your way down the stairs, your coffee spilled on your shirt as you were running out the door, or maybe you’ve just been cut off in traffic. You’re seconds away from launching into a full-blown meltdown. You know what might make you feel better? You could stop for a couple of sausage and egg McMuffins from McDonald's, and all would be better. Right?

Well, before you sacrifice your health, your recent exercise gains, and your self-respect for a few moments of feel-good chemicals that show up temporarily with fast food, allow me to introduce you to a game-changer: the STOP skill.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) STOP skill, developed by Dr. Marsha M. Linehan, is like your emotional emergency brake. It's there to save you from going full-on meltdown mode, and trust me, you'll want to keep it in your mental toolbox. The beauty of the STOP skill is that you can use it anywhere as a mental discipline, allowing you to observe your current predicament rather than judge it.

S - Stop

This part isn’t easy, but it is simple. You just—wait for it—STOP. Don’t move, don’t shout, don’t throw anything. I find that a quiet and reserved “fuck” can be therapeutic, but that’s not an officially endorsed skill in my DBT education. Just stop whatever you’re doing. Think of it as a pause button for your brain. When you feel like you're about to explode, hit that mental stop button. Treat this moment like when you’re watching a movie and need to use the restroom or refill your popcorn. Put life on pause so you can focus on addressing your needs to enjoy the rest of the show.

T - Take a Step Back

Taking a step back means you physically or mentally create some space between you and the situation, as well as your current reaction. Imagine you're in the middle of a heated argument, and instead of blurting out something you'll regret, you take a second to step back, clear your mind, and think about what’s really going on. This is also an opportunity to compare your perception with an outside perspective. If the time and space allow for it, step away from where you are sitting or standing and look back at where you were experiencing those escalated emotions. Now that you've experienced the overwhelming emotions firsthand, you can look back from the other side of the room and reflect on what you were going through.

O - Observe

Here’s where it gets real. Now that you’ve hit the pause button, take a moment to observe what's happening in your mind and body. How am I feeling? Are my fists clenched? Is my heart racing like I’m sprinting down a track? Do I feel like I could punch a hole through the wall? Observe your emotions and physical state. That’s right—observe, don’t judge. We do not want to add to our internal conflict by judging ourselves for being human. This is your chance to really check in with yourself. Are you overreacting in unhelpful ways? What are my vulnerabilities? Am I hungry, tired, or just in need of a snack? The more you observe, the more you can understand what’s fueling your reaction.

If you can, stepping across the room and looking back at where you’ve been experiencing these challenging feelings can be helpful. It allows you to gain perspective, rather than relying solely on your perception. It can also help you imagine yourself as someone across the room and treat yourself with the same grace you would treat a loved one. Remember, we are observing emotions, not judging them.

P - Proceed Mindfully

Alright, you’ve stopped, you’ve stepped back, and you’ve observed. Now, it’s time to proceed with your life (or at least, with the current situation). This is where you calmly choose how you want to respond—without drama, without the freak-out, and with the maturity and skill you know you’ve acquired. Think before you act. Do you really need to scream? Probably not. Maybe some box breathing and a polite “Let’s talk about this later” is the way to go. By proceeding mindfully, you’re in control of the situation, not the other way around. With STOP, you can step away from being reactionary and instead thoughtfully respond to the challenges you face throughout the day.

The STOP skill is basically your personal emotional firefighter. It helps you stop, take a step back, observe your feelings, and then respond in a way that doesn’t involve the destruction of personal or professional relationships. STOP takes practice. Don’t be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t go according to plan the first few times or doesn’t work 100% of the time. To build mastery in any skill, you will benefit with the willingness to keep trying and learn from mistakes as much as from successes.

So, next time life throws a Lego in your bare-footed path or cuts you off in traffic when you're already late, remember the STOP skill.